Yesterday, I was so angry and feeling sorry for myself. Today, although the pain in my back is even worse, my mood is much better. I don't feel completely down on myself, I'm not questioning God or anyone else. It does no good to ask "why?" All I can do, on any given day, is the best I can do. On ANY day, I am an excellent mother. I lead this family better today than I ever did while I was married. Being married only meant I had to do and act in ways acceptable to the husband...turns out, his ways were, and still are, harmful and toxic. I feel strong in the knowledge that because of me, these kids have a good chance of growing up to be appreciative, confident and healthy adults. That is my main goal for them. They will always know, no matter how bad the pain is or how long the day, I love them with every bit of my heart.
I did reiki today, and meditated. I find I can get completely lost in the calm of meditation. It is so helpful to be able to escape, if only for 15-20 minutes a day, at least it brings some relief. I know there must be some very meaningful lessons I can get from this life; even if it's hard for me to always see that, I know the knowledge is there.
