Has it really been this long since I posted?? I guess school and work keep me busier than I thought. Yes, I'm back to school. Yes, it's going beautifully. Maintaining A's in my classes, and enjoying it even more than last semester. It feels so good to be part of society again, and I'm feeling less and less like...the leftover part of a horrible scream. That's how I've felt. I know it sounds strange to think of it like that, but I felt like the raw, throat-burning, headachy part of a huge scream....like I would fall apart if anyone blew on me or touched me, like vital parts of me were missing and I was just holding on to a thread of who I was...and now I feel like me again. There are some differences...people who didn't know me before could probably never pick them up...but I notice, because it's me. I am flightier. I am easily distracted, and have to concentrate more. The docs say that may get better with time, they are confident that it will as "90% of people say within a year it disappears." Or, this may be something I have to live with. Good thing I'm a good list-maker. A good thing about my "different"...I appreciate my kids and family even more. I wouldn't be caught with a schoolbook in my hand if my kids are home or awake. I'm with the kids. I'm playing. We're raking leaves, going for walks, playing games, watching movies together, talking, doing homework--theirs, not mine--I'm enjoying my marriage even more...I knew Carl was wonderful and appreciated him a lot before this...but now, I absolutely cherish him. We've come through one of the worst things a person can imagine, and we're stronger for it. Our family is stronger, our love is stronger, our appreciation for life is stronger. My faith is definitely changed, it is absolutely unshakable. I thought it was sturdy before, but now, I have no doubts that I am on the right path. I am so grateful...God took my by the hand and pulled me and my family through this, there's no question.
Work is wonderful. I'm back at my old stomping grounds, Luther Hospital. I miss Menomonie but love caring for the acute patients that dialyze at Luther, and the staff is fun...they all seem so glad to have me back, and are showing me the ropes as it's been a long time since I worked there. I think I'll get the hang of it. My first day back at work, one of my patients said, "you've still got your old touch, I didn't feel a thing," after I put his needles in. I could have cried. Slowly, I'm weaving my life blanket again, and this time, it has some beautiful colors and threads that I never noticed before...but they've always been there. I just didn't have the opportunity to see them...kind of like, I didn't see the forest for the trees. Life is now. It is beautiful. And I am loving every minute of it, not wasting a second.
