Here are my concerns this week. I have this nagging visual disturbance. It's like poking a few holes through a piece of paper and holding it up to the sun...those spots are in my left field of vision occasionally. sometimes they're white, sometimes they're silver, sometimes they're dark and look almost like a cloud of gnats sitting there in front of me. I think I should see a neurologist.
My depth perception is off. I hit my head on things because that skin that would sense an object moving near, is numb. then, the bumping makes it more numb. My lips and chin are really numb again this week too, that had been better. Even my eyelid and nose are numb lately. I feel a ridge in my eye socket that feels like it might have been broken. I have to remember to ask the doc to show me my records so I can see if that's true or if it's just scarred connective tissue under there.
My hip hurts so badly lately. I made the mistake of holding Gabe in church for 10 minutes on Sunday...and I've been limping ever since. I am so frustrated with this limitation that I can't do anything for but wait. I am not very patient anymore.
I'm crabby lately. I feel like Carl has gotten tired of helping with the kids, and now that I can almost do it all, he's just assuming I WANT to do it all. As great as it is to be doing well, I can't do this all on my own. I know he's gotten burnt out, as he had to do most everything around here for 3 1/2 months, but the truth is...it makes me sad that it took a debilitating accident to make me feel like we were working more as partners than ever before. We took turns bathing the kids and getting them to bed. We both did household chores, he had to do all the driving and errand-running, he took the kids to and from daycare...so I know he's tired...but now i feel like I'm not able to take as much pleasure out of raising my kids, because I feel like I'm raising them alone a lot of the time. He just hangs his head when I try and talk to him about it...and I know how he feels. It's hard work, setting the example and teaching and loving your kids into obedience, and being there for them always. but that's what we signed up for. That's what we do. And I need him to do it with me.
