This surgery didn't go as perfect as my doctors and I had imagined. What appeared to be a routine revision and scar tissue removal, turned into a bit of a clustercuss. When removing the scar tissue, essentially, they "unleashed the bomb," setting off a mass septic infection that had no symptoms until 24 hours post-op, had never shown up in my bloodwork, did not appear to the surgeon even as he operated, but that showed up in the cultures from the tumor, scar tissue and hardware they removed from my hip. This infection has required 3 different antibiotics, oxygen therapy, a 4-day hospital stay and a PICC line insertion, which has allowed me to give myself the necessary daily doses of 2 antibiotics for a 6-10-week period, to be sure that this infection doesn't settle into the new hardware they just put into my hip. Three weeks into this IV antibiotic therapy, I think it's going just fine. I'm eating to heal my body, I'm staying on top of my physical therapy, and holding down the fort at home with help from a great partner and family, some wonderful nurses, and my amazing kids.
So, along with the expected pain of healing, I've had twice the number of doctor visits, daily IV doses of antibiotics that make me nauseous and exhausted, and I'm still Mommy, Nanny, Consultant, Writer, Illustrator, and all of the other things that I love to be so much. And I'm managing. Thanks to wonderful family and supportive friends, I'm managing just fine.
At first it was really scary, and hard not to be angry...but then I realized, I could document this, and maybe use it to speak to people about how drunk drivers don't just affect people during the times they drive drunk, or affect only their own lives when they get caught. As a result of this drunk driver's actions, I have now had 9 surgeries. I'll likely have a few more before it's all said and done, but hopefully not for a long time. I really mourned my scars for awhile, my pain, the changes that have had to take place in my life and my work as I've adjusted to the way my brain and body work now. A lot of it is invisible to most people who know me, but I know. I feel it, I notice how I'm different, and sometimes that really makes me sad. Sometimes, I'm amazed that I'm even alive at all, and I really do try and make the most of my life and all of the beautiful blessings in it. I love my scars now. They tell a story. They tell my story. They speak of my pain, and they speak of my healing. Sometimes I wish I could send a letter to the man who is responsible for these scars. And I wonder, would it make a difference? It already does, to me. This is all a part of me, of my life, and I embrace it. But if you know of anyone who drives drunk, who's driven drunk, or who might have a problem with drugs or alcohol, maybe you can tell them my story, show them my scars, and maybe they'll see just a snapshot of how a drunk driver impacted my life. I've never posted pictures of my scars before, I've been self-conscious of them for years now, but maybe showing them will make an impression on others and save someone from suffering what I have.
My new hip scar, December 2013, total hip revision and pseudotumor removal.
My daily IV meds. Thankful for my dialysis and IV experience!! Piece of cake! This also makes me sit still for an hour a day. :)
The scars on my face that, most of the time, only I can see now. My eyelid was reconstructed, my nose was put back in the center of my face, and my lips and chin were peeled back like a banana until the doctor stitched them back up. But, amazingly enough, my vital signs were stable, my heart is strong and just kept right on beating. This allowed a wonderful plastic surgeon to take his time reconstructing my face and removing auto glass. And I have even learned to love these scars. They remind me that I am more than what people see on the outside.
This is what happens after using a cane for 2 weeks as my hip heals. I also lift babies for a living. And today, I planked for 90 seconds. Nothing will keep me down for long!!!
The stretchmarks are thanks to my five beautiful children. I have earned my stripes, people. The scar that runs from my sternum down to my pubic bone is thanks to a drunk driver, and my need for an emergency splenectomy, which was lacerated and dumping my blood into my gut at a dangerous pace that day. Four units of blood lost, and thank you to the donors who saved my life by replenishing my lost blood supply! Without you, I wouldn't be here! Donate blood, especially if you have a rare type, like me. You never know whose life you will save!
I don't have any pictures of my neck scar or or an x-ray of the fused bones, or an x-ray of the messed up vertebrae and disks in my neck and back, but they let me know just about every day just where they were hurt. I've learned to accept it, I don't fight it anymore. I love my body and how it's healed, and I am so thankful for being so strong, that I can care for my family, for myself, and for others around me that I love so much. I don't ever take for granted how precious life is, or how fragile.
I forgive the man who caused me all this pain. I don't wish him ill, I wish him peace. I hope he's found healing and forgiveness of his own, and that he's turned his life into one that blesses others instead of causes continuing pain. It is a daily prayer of mine. I hope he's never driven drunk again, and I hope he's told people what happened to us that day, so that others can be warned of how devastating alcohol can be when you get behind the wheel. I'm so glad I'm here to tell my story. I am so lucky that I'm here to raise my kids, and that as a family, we can warn others against the dangers of driving under the influence.
Especially as we go into New Year's Eve, which is probably a big night for people who drive when they really shouldn't. Be safe, everyone, and make sure that the people you love are safe, too.
