One Month + One Day Post Surgery

OK, I'm going to gripe.  A little bit.  And then I'm going to talk about how great I'm doing.  Because that eliminates the gripeyness, and points out the positives and then I can move forward.  What am I doing in here?  I'M KICKING MY OWN ASS.  DUH!

I. am.  EXHAUSTED. 

It's like constant morning sickness, without the euphoria of a baby on the way.  The tired, foggy-headed, mouth watering icky sickness that wakes me up at night and keeps me tired all day.  I think the high doses of antibiotics are friggin killing me.  Figuratively.  Truthfully, they are helping me, I know that.  But, holy shit. Also, my hands and feet have started tingling, which I'm told can be a side affect of the meds.  Oh, and did I mention the anxiety?  I get a fun heart palpitation and a panicky feeling while the IV is running, every time.  It goes away after a few hours. Another side affect.

I'M ANEMIC, WHICH MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I CAN'T BREATHE.
 I'm a bit anemic too, which adds to the anxiety feeling.

I'M TIRED OF PUKING.

Within an hour of each daily dose, I am losing my lunch pretty regularly.  I am eating yogurt and kombucha and pickles and olives and saurkraut to keep probiotics in my system and taking my vitamins mostly in the form of raw food and upped my protein, iron and vitamin C and D and

I HATE FOOD RIGHT NOW. 

I have no appetite.  I don't want to eat.  I want to throw up.  All. The. Time.  But I do eat, as much as I can.  I've still managed to lose 8lbs this month.  (I don't miss it.)

I AM REALLY HURTING SOMETIMES.

At one month post-op, I decided I want to stop taking pain meds, and I've been weaning myself off of the two they prescribed me after surgery.  I'm now using the pain as nature intended.  As a gauge.  As an indicator.  When we hurt, that is our body's way of telling us something  is wrong.  We need to listen to that very important indicator.  When pain increases, my activity has to decrease.  If I feel no pain, I will keep going like a freight train.  I know this about myself.  So I have to have something to tell me when to slow down.  This will keep me from injuring myself.  Again.  (it only took me about 7 years to learn that. duh,  I know.)  So what am I doing when my pain increases if I'm not taking pain meds? I rest.  I meditate.  I distract myself by writing or painting or sewing or playing a game with the kids or reading, etc.  I use heat or ice on my back and hip.  I use Arnica Salve, which is AH-MAZING for pain, I wish I had tried it years ago!  Massage.  Music.  I eat a Tbsp of raw honey + 1tsp turmeric + 1tsp cinnamon up to 3 times a day, which has very powerful anti-inflammatory properties.  And it's helping!

I AM GETTING REALLY LONELY.

Yes, I have a large family, so the kids are wonderful at keeping me company.  But, I am not able to drive until the IV meds are done, and Lou works a lot, the kids are in school, and I'm home ALL the time.  Like, I don't leave the house for days sometimes.  (it was nice while it was below zero, but...)  I'm starting to watch funny pet videos to cheer myself up, because I'm getting cabin fever.

http://cheezburger.com/7994247168


I AM TIRED OF TAPING A ZIPLOC SANDWICH BAG TO MY ARM EVERY TIME I TAKE A SHOWER.

Uh, yeah.  I have to keep my PICC line and dressing from getting wet.  I found out if I cut the "zipper" off of a Ziploc bag and then cut the closed end off too, it fits perfectly over my PICC line and I tape it down, so it is waterproof when I shower.  It's annoying.  Then I'm paranoid the whole time I'm in the shower, totally freaked out that I'm going to get water in the PICC and have

OK now cool things about all of this.

I MADE A MEDICAL DEVICE OUT OF A ZIPLOC SANDWICH BAG!! 

Heh, heh...

I AM AN AMAZING HUMAN BEING.

One neat thing about post-operative healing is that there is a natural anesthetic in your body that helps to curb the pain.  I suspect I have A LOT of that natural anesthetic.  My entire incision area was completely numb, like dentist-induced Novacaine numb, until about a week ago.  Now, as the body heals from the inside out, I'm getting feeling back in that area.  (my butt hurts.)  It's not just the incision area that hurts, it's hurting down my left leg all the way to my foot, occasional shooting nerve pains as the tissue and nerves figure out what the hell just happened.  The human body is amaze-balls.  This is going to be ok.  And it's funny to randomly exclaim that my butt hurts.

I AM ALWAYS WEARING ONE OF MY FAVORITE COLORS NOW!

I am now always wearing my favorite shade of periwinkle.  The ceramic "ball" that they put into my hip is a very lovely shade of lavender or periwinkle.  :)  You can't see it in the photo, but I know it's in there, because I saw it at my last appointment with the surgeon. 

I also got to see the old hardware that they took out, and the surgeon showed me where it was damaged, and how I can avoid having that happen again by not "power-walking," avoiding certain yoga poses that extend my leg too far behind me (which I did anyway because they would cause discomfort) and just being aware of movements that hyper-extend my hip joint.  :-/  I still do not have a definitive answer about how/why this infection occurred, but I do know that both bacteria are harmless when found on the skin, but can be (obviously) very serious and/or life-threatening when they enter the bloodstream, especially of people with compromised immune systems and prosthetic devices.  (ahem, moi.)  They like to quietly settle into these prostheses and slowly do their damage.  This surgery was actually a blessing in disguise, because I was actually sick for a really long time, and no one could figure out why, or explain my symptoms.  Now we know.  So a little pop and click pain in my hip actually ended up maybe saving my life.

I'M OVER HALFWAY DONE WITH MY IV ANTIBIOTICS!

I have just under 3 weeks left of IV antibiotics.  Then I will have 6 months of oral antibiotics.  Then they want me to think about staying on antibiotics for life, as a prophylactic measure...which I'm not crazy about, but we'll see.  After 7 years on meds and doing all my doctoring with Western medicine practitioners, I feel a million times better using natural healing methods, and am finally off of all prescription meds.  That was a very long and scary battle.  I don't want to have to be on anything for life.  But, Western medicine does have its place, I am a living, breathing testament to that truth.  So I'm going to do some research and decide on my best option. 

I AM F*CKIN STRONG!

My pain is decreasing, and my strength is increasing, every day.  I am slowly getting my feet under me again!  Today I was out in the yard for a few minutes, talking to the kids, and walking on uneven, snowy surfaces is still not a great idea, without a cane.  Not at all.  But I am getting stronger every day!

I DON'T USE MY CANE AT HOME ANYMORE!

I don't use my cane at home anymore, only when I'm shopping or at an appointment, anywhere that requires a lot of walking.  Yay me!  I know I'm stubborn about it, but I really don't like using a cane again. 

I AM HUNGRY FOR GOOD FOOD, AND TIRED OF SHOUTING!

OK I'm going to go make some chicken stir fry and fried "rice" (quinoa), heavy on the veggies.  FOOD CAN HEAL US!!

I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!  THANKS FOR ROOTING FOR ME!!!  WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!

I love you all, and thanks for always loving me.  xoxo