What does pain have to do with flowers..?

Today, I had a moment in the shower.  A beautiful, serene moment, where I felt NO PAIN.  None.  Anywhere.  It was so perfect.  People who know chronic pain, you know what I'm talking about.  The moment when you go, "OH MY GOD!!  There is no hurting right now!"  And you memorize everything in that moment, where you are, the sounds, the smells, the beautiful feeling, you take a snapshot of it, you tuck it away inside and you know that it's there when you're really hurting and needing relief. 
Your God moments.

I closed my eyes, letting the hot water hit me, washing my happy tears down the drain, and I breathed.  Soooo deeply, I breathed that painless, perfect moment into every pore, every fiber of my being, and I thought of a flower, an orchid, to be exact.  The kind of orchid you can see through, how the delicate petals show their flawless veins of pink through the waxy white, I breathed that pain-free feeling into every vein I have, and I felt fucking incredible.  (I had 2- 325mg plain aspirin on board at the time, fyi)

I took this picture.  It's my orchid.  Don't steal this pic, ya cyber-thieves.   :-P


Then I got out of the shower and stubbed my toe, and the tile floor was cold, and my hip started aching again and I could use a swim and a chiropractor, but I still felt pretty great.

 https://video.search.yahoo.com/play;_ylt=A2KLqIFSFdJSeXoAlwX7w8QF;_ylu=X3oDMTB2bHV1ZGs5BHNlYwNzcgRzbGsDdmlkBHZ0aWQDVjE1MARncG9zAzI-?p=Good+feeling%27s+gone+finding+nemo&vid=2c2503224e34e58ae03dbc98220fe358&l=00%3A50&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts1.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DV.4664533268300656%26pid%3D15.1&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DvfIuoVwhlgU&tit=Finding+Nemo+Deep+Sea+Fish+Attack&c=1&sigr=11ankndtc&sigt=1110ka9e9&age=0&&tt=b

(I hope this link works, because it makes the whole post.  If it doesn't, just Google "Finding Nemo, Good Feeling's Gone Deep Sea Fish Attack."  Trust me.  It fits.)

I didn't go WAHHHHH, where did my happy go??  Where is my good feeling, my God moment, my peace??  I didn't ask this, because I know.  It never left.  It never leaves us.  We just forget what it feels like sometimes, when the pain is too great or lasts too long, or we are having a hard time seeing an end to the hurting.  But we don't need to worry about the end.  We just need to get from one moment to the next, from today to tomorrow, and sometimes, that is all.  We have right now.  Right now, is precious.  Right now is where we are living.  Sometimes, that's all that needs to matter.  Right now.

The flowers don't stop blooming because they are afraid to die when winter comes.  They open each day, reaching toward the sun.  The bask in its warmth, they don't fear the cold days that will inevitably come.  They stop blooming because they need to rest.  They need the snow cover, or they'll never bloom in the spring. They need to sleep, they need to recuperate, they need to withdraw.  Sometimes we need to do that, too.  Flowers never lose touch with the rhythms of the earth; people do.  We, with our great cerebrums and fancy degrees and opposable thumbs, we lose touch with our roots, and we suffer so much for it. 

We can't live in fear of pain, in fear of the dark places that lie in between the patches of proverbial sunlight in life.  We exist in all of these places.  Light or dark, they are all a part of each of us.  I love them all.  They make us, we make them.  They are all God moments.

When I say "people with chronic pain, I don't just mean physical pain.  Pain can be emotional, it can be fleeting, it can be in each day or parts of days, or in the weeks or months following trauma of any kind, or chronic or caused by disease or depression or any of many things.  But pain is not the constant. YOU are the constant.  YOU are not your pain.  I am not mine.  But I AM.  And so are you.  And if we are here, no matter how dark it might be some days,  or how unbearable that pain may be, THERE IS A REASON FOR YOUR LIFE.  Trust in that. 

So there.  :)  I love you.  Keep the sunshine.  Let go of the dark when you're done with it.