I'm happy today, and sad. Happy because the other night, I was cuddling my baby girl as she fell asleep on me, and listening to the other kids snoozing in their beds, and my hubby's snoring quietly next to me...and I realized, if life never gets any better than this, I am perfectly happy. Perfectly happy...I have my beautiful, healthy children, a great husband who, even though he pisses me off and I gripe a little about him, is a great dad and a wonderful match for me. I am a lucky girl. I have everything I ever wanted, and I feel so blessed.
I'm sad lately though...I think I'm finally wearing down, I'm finally feeling fed up with the pain, and being restricted by my healing hands and other various body parts...I just want to be back to normal. I am able to do so much more now than I could when I was first home, but sometimes I hurt more than I did then, because I'm pushing myself. I'm stronger, so I'm probably exerting more force on fragile bones, and I better quit it. LOL I just can't sit here doing nothing anymore...there's too much to do and I want to be the one doing it. I just want to be better...I want to be able to pick up and cuddle Gabe and Kianna, and take them all sledding and carry them to bed when they fall asleep in the car on the way home...I want to go ice skating and play hockey with PJ and Zack...I want to have them home with me every day so I can take care of them, instead of one day a week, which leaves me sore as hell and exhausted but I miss them so much I push through it. I'm here alone 4 days a week and it's just lonely and boring and...frustrating. School doesn't start full time for me until March, so here I be. UGH.
I see my ortho surgeon on Valentine's Day...maybe he'll tell me I can go back to work on modified duty...or maybe he'll laugh at me because I'm limping worse this week than I was 2 weeks ago, because I've been walking so much everyday and those muscles tire so fast. I don't know what he'll say...I don't know if I'm ready for work yet or not. I wish I was...but I don't think I am. I have to get a handle on the pain in my hands and figure out why the hell I hurt so much more now than I did a while back.
Got a letter from the D.A. the other day...the investigation for the case has begun, and the trial starts in May. He was dumb to plead not guilty and allow this to go to trial...his sentence will be stiffer once the entire story of my injuries and losses comes into play...if he had admitted some fault right away they would have just sentenced him and been done with it, but now I have a feeling he'll be getting nailed to the wall. I am angry though, that he is walking around, a free man, for months...and I've had months of a sentence of my own, because of his actions. It's not seething anger, or uncontrolled anger...just kind of...sad, disgusted. What a pukebag.
