I haven't talked much about this aspect of the effects of the accident because it makes me so sad...my stepson Kaeden has behavioral/emotional issues. He lies, he's impulsive, has trouble forming healthy relationships with people, and is always getting in trouble. He has been through a lot. I seemed to be one of the few people who could get through to him. After living with us for 3 years, he was really making some good progress. He had been bounced around his mother's family for most of his life, spending only the first 2 1/2 years with his mother, the rest with her aunt or her own mother, which didn't do him any good either as his grandma is a neurotic, selfish person. We won't get into detail about her....let's just say she didn't do him any favors by condoning his bad behavior "because he's been through so much" and encouraging him to rely on her for everything instead of teaching him to be accountable, independent, and have confidence. We spent a lot of time teaching him these values....teaching, reinforcing, teaching, reinforcing...he is a lot of work, but it seemed to be paying off for him.
Ok, so Kaeden's behavioral issues...he was pretty well-behaved for us. His grades had gotten better, and he didn't seem to have as many anger issues as he did when he first lived with us. However, we were not aware of the fights he was starting every day at school, to the point where the public school system was going to expell him. Shock to us. So when I got in this accident, he kind of flipped out. He was difficult for Carl to manage with everything else going on and me not there to help. So, he went to live with his mother in Oregon. In a way, it's better for him to be with her right now because she needs to address some of his abandonment issues as they started with her. But it makes me sad that we couldn't meet his needs anymore as the focus couldn't be on him, but had to be on my hospitalization and how Carl's and my roles as parents totally changed....I was absent completely, and Carl was trying to be with me at the hospital as much as possible while also being dad and working....quite a large load compared to our normal routine. I really miss that routine. The other kids seem to be adjusting well...in fact, I think they really like mom being home all the time even though she can't do all of the things she used to. So anyway the point is that I am sad that this accident forced us to lose one of our kids. That's how I feel. H is such a special needs kid that, because of the changes in our lives due to this accident, we couldn't give him what he needed. I wrestle with that somedays. The saddest thing about it is, since he left, everyone has commented on how much happier the rest of the kids are and how well they get along. I guess we weren't even aware of what an instigator Kaeden was...I hope he gets the help he needs, and can get a handle on his issues and someday come back to live here. I miss him a lot....he was my bud. We get to talk to him every day, so that's the good thing.
